EP23 - DDoSing software companies

I own a software company that hits a growth wall recently.

Its my biggest competitor. Their engineers were too good.

Worse, they were having fun. Their team? Lean, fast, and happy.

They shipped product while my teams debated story points.

My board of directors told me we should pivot. Make a better product.

I dont think they understand.

You don't fight a lean team with a better product. You fight them with process.

So I designed a "masterclass" for their leadership. The "Six-Sigma Jujutsu Kaizen Framework for Elite Engineering."

I taught them the art of the pre-planning meeting. Post-sprint retrospective-debrief.

The gospel of assigning story points to bathroom breaks.

Everyone loved it. All according to plan.

In just 2 months, their best engineers, the ones who lived to code, were now drowning in Jira.

Their Slack channels, once filled with technical debate, were now battlegrounds over the definition of "done."

Their velocity charts looked incredible. But their product development ground to a halt.

I didn't just neutralize my competition. I made them pay me to inject their company with corporate sclerosis.

They thought they were buying an advantage. I sold them a virus disguised as a framework.

Follow me for more financial advice.

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Context

Every engineer I know hates project management. The CEOs and board members? They love it.

EDIT:

There's a better conspiracy I recently confirmed. TLDR: board members care more about money than work effectiveness.

How does making your engineering team less effective be good for you money??

You will see.